Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
