First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
