i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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