True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
