Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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