carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
