put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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