I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
