Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
