Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
that is very illegal...i love you.
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