Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
