My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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