Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
