i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
