I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
