You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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