I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
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Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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