Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
