Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight

Fav 1 864 2017
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window

Fav 12 1331 3139
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(607): View more from New York

: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

Fav 36 5374 1054
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(630): View more from Illinois

the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.

(630): View more from Illinois

just thought you should know her name is kristen

Fav 18 5498 1236
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(214): View more from Texas

She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

Fav 19 1753 7373
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(240): View more from Maryland

It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.

Fav 19 1963 4223
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(302): View more from Delaware

this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"

Fav 10 1322 2044
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(501): View more from Arkansas

I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.

Fav 7 452 765
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(303): View more from Colorado

If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.

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