Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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