I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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