he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
