He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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