I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
