I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
