1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
