I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
