Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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