he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
