I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ttyl tear gas
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize