Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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