no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
tell me about the eggs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
