he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
