she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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