fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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