I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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