If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
