Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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