I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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