i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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