I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize