nut hugger
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
