We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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