yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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