I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
