hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
