its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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