shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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