I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
