Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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