i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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