I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
