Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
