guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
