Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
