I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
