can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
