Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
