I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
