I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
