I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
