I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
