Porn is love you can see.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
