Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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